After this life on earth
Oh, how much I do yearn
To one day become the person whom I have always dreamed to be
A person with confidence!
But all I can see is my bitter woes
All I can ever think about is of my many, many failures
Why are there so many?
Oh, how I long to no longer be thoughtless and ignorant!
Oh, how I long to no longer be angry, vengeful, and bitter!
Daily, I am enraged
Daily, I accumulate more bitter moments
Can there ever be relief from these many overflowing and unforgettable memories of hatred and failures?
Like Jonah, I have pleaded for You to allow for me to leave
“Take me now, Lord! Take me now…”
But still, I remain
Like Solomon had said, “All is vanity…”
For years, all I had was cheap, glittering costume jewelry
Pennies I had picked up, collected, and hoarded
And like those stepped-on and runned-over pennies, I too, have become battered, dirty, and rusty
Your Word says that You will ask me what I have done with this life that You have given to me, Lord
I cannot answer You, Lord
I cannot answer
For I have gained and produced nothing
I too, may say to You as well, “Look at my seashells, Lord. Look at my collected and worthless seashells…”
I know that You’ve said we can never have peace on this earth, Lord
I know it full well
So I plead and pray to You, Lord
For just the perfect amount of grace that You know I need
For each day
For each angry and bitter day
Thank You for the new colors of butterflies, Lord
Thank You for the flowers that have grown
Thank You for helping me to endure this day, Lord
And another birthday
“Just kill me now, Lord! I’d rather be dead…”
The Lord replied, “Is it right for you to be angry about this?”
~ Jonah 4:3-4