pondering non-giftedness


Everyone has the same 24 hours each day, but how come some days seem to go faster than others?  Guess it depends on how many tasks we can get accomplished within that day.  Or how much we don’t, which can stress us out as we crawl into bed at the end of another too-short day.

Today again, depression had wanted to take over my mind.  One of the topics in the Bible that often bothered me is the one on the “gifts” that the Apostle Paul talks about.  He lists them even.  But how come none  of them seem to pertain to me?  Maybe they’re just not being listed as “understandable” gifts for simple-minded folks like me to be able to understand?

I’m certain I’m wrong on that.  I probably just need to hear those verses being explained in a modern day-like message for my simple mind.  You know, how some preachers can really bring out an old passage in the Bible and make it relate to this day and age?

Like how some preachers can give a different insight to “The Woman at the Well”, “The Good Samaritan”, and “The Prodigal Son” stories?  I just love how there can be a different kinda take to those much-wornly-told classic Bible stories.

It’s often preached that every single person in the whole wide world has got a gift.  At least one – if not more than one.

But here I am, wondering why I don’t got any of those listed.  And wishing there was a 2nd page or pages to that list.

There are countless Bible messages about the plan God has for our lives.  About how we are uniquely created by Him to accomplish something(s) in particular during our lifetime on this earth.  I often think about what those “things I’m supposed to do while here” might be.

And then of course, I then ask the question He must hear so often again and again from many of us, “Did you forget me, God?  So what am I supposed to be doing – can You say exactly?  Did it not happen yet?  Because it would very much help to have a sign.  Like maybe a billboard of an occupation, a plan, or perhaps a destination would help.  Because I don’t know…”

But life goes on.  And the wondering continues.

Maybe I might be confusing the word “talents” with “gifts”.  Maybe.  Because it’s definitely in the category of “talents” that I lack in.  It’s bothersome when folks look at me being an Asian person and think I’m good at Math.  Like I’m supposed to be a walking calculator.  What a joke.  Considering that here I am in my mid-40s, and I was so sure that 25 times 5 equaled 100 just last month…

So my non-discovery of my gift is one of the things I often ponder about when I get all woeful about myself and my life.  You know, those days when you’re incredibly busy trying to get a task accomplished and it’s gotta be real quiet as you’re trying to finish it quickly, whatever it is.  But all that quietness makes thoughts go berserk within your mind.  So many thoughts and tasks start coming in, of all the things you’ve gotta do after you’ve finished doing that one!  Sigh.

Some days ago, I had told a couple of other Soldiers in my unit about what I had answered to a past unit’s First Sergeant, when he had asked me where I saw myself in 5 years.  First off, I had told them about how I just hated being asked that question, period.  Seems like such an old question.  So un-unique.  So vague.

Then I told them what I had honestly answered to that guy, who was very taken aback by it.  “In five years?  Dead, from a car accident.  Because I’m a very bad driver.  It’s a miracle I’m still alive today, First Sergeant.”

That was my answer to him.  Then he sort of changed the topic to be about something else.  How odd that he would ask such a “boring and common” question and not expect to receive an honest answer, although it might have been a slightly shocking one.

Especially with the number of suicides in the Army sadly being a continually growing number. Thought he might have been more prepared to give some kind of counsel.  At least a listening ear.

So whenever I hear a message being told about the day when I am going to be standing before God after I’ve died, I think about how I might have the courage to ask Him, “Lord, what gift did I actually have?”  And because He is a graciously good God, He will let me know.

Ah, life.  It goes too slow, then it goes too fast.  Seconds tick when waiting, but months seem to have flown by at the end of another year.  It is in His daily-given new mercies, that I have hope.

Please drive safely and have yourselves a wonderfully goodnight, y’all!




This entry was posted in just writing and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to pondering non-giftedness

  1. It is generally acknowledged that Paul did not list all the gifts of the Spirit. Personally, I believe there are as many gifts as there are needs in the Body of Christ. You though give yourself too little credit. From your blog, it seem clear you have the gift of mercy, which is a a concern for others. ❤

  2. I would have to say without hesitation that you have the gift of writing! Thanks for sharing with the world!

  3. David Orth says:

    One way to discern our spiritual gifts is to look for the three “F”s: feelings, fruit, and feedback. When we are using a spiritual gift we feel really engaged and energized by what we are doing (feelings). When we use a spiritual gift we see “fruit” coming from it, in other words, our gift produces positive impact on others that leads them to make choices that are good for themselves and the others in their sphere of influence (fruit). When we are using a spiritual gift other people will tell us that our gift has been helpful to them (feedback). I see many examples of feedback in the comments above.

    Regarding the list of gifts at various places in the Bible, the spiritual gifts are not limited to those lists. There are many others that can be seen operating in other passages of scripture. For example, consider Jude verse 3, “Beloved, while eagerly preparing to write to you about the salvation we share, I find it necessary to write and appeal to you to contend for the faith that was once for all entrusted to the saints.” He we can see that writing is something that the author is eager to do (feelings), his aim is to bear fruit (faith) in his audience, and the fact that the letter was included in the canon of scripture is evidence of feedback. So as others have also pointed out, there is a good probability that you have the gift of writing. Peace of Jesus.

  4. cupcakecache says:

    As you write your stories, I find myself wondering if you are still in the military and on duty. I wish you well, my blogger friend. We are only given what we can bear and many might not be on duty, that may be part of your gift.

  5. judibwriting says:

    I agree with the above- your ability to share honesty and offer thoughtful pondering inquiry is already a gift for which we are gratefull

  6. You write so well and so honestly, speaking right to where most of us live. Maybe that is your gift. So glad to have met you!

  7. I do not like when people ask that question where do you see yourself in etc years. I like to take life one day at a time.

shoot yo holla hea

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s