My molestor has returned for a “visit”.
This time he did not bring his grown early twenties-aged children in tow.
When he had brought them the last time,
are they his method of “camouflage”?, I had wondered.
He thinks I’ve forgotten because I had been young.
Under age ten, I had been back then, I know.
When it was late in the dark, he would come to my bed.
And believing I would not tell, he had been correct.
Years and years have gone by, and yet I have not confronted him.
What would be the use? Would I really be “healed” after?
I will most likely continue to let more years to pass.
Because keeping “our secret” is what the power of shame can do.
During his visit, I made sure to hurry away into my room.
Locking my door, I had tried hard to shut his voice out.
But purposefully, I know he would always speak louder.
And his horrid, even louder laughter, had made me cringe and shudder.
As much as I could, I had tried to stay away from his path.
But during his visit, there had been at least a number of face-to-face moments.
It was smugness, I know I had seen.
Yes, it was his face full of smugness and his laughters so loud,
which will stay with me in my mind for many days,
as more years upon years, will most likely again pass.
He had left this time, without leaving us with a “fake” prayer.
For the last time, he had prayed proudly aloud.
But with his grown children with him, that time had been.
Which was why I believe they had been his manner of screen.
As he grinned to me whenever he could with his sly self,
he had most likely believed that his secret was solid,
and no longer did he need to bring his family with him and pretend.
Because God is, I have hope.
Because He sees and knows, and will always, always give correct judgment, I have hope.
And because Jesus saves, I look up and can face another day.
“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in Me.
Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.
But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”
“Here I Am Lord”